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Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Go About Your Business, It's Only Terrorists
Ridge Acknowledges Terror Threats, but 'Nothing Specific'
By KIRK SEMPLE

Published: May 26, 2004

(NY Times) Tom Ridge, the secretary of Homeland Security, confirmed today that officials have intercepted new communication suggesting a possible terror attack in the United States, but he said the government did not plan to raise the nation's terror alert level, currently at the midpoint of a five-level scale.

"There is absolutely nothing specific enough" that warrants a change in the alert level, he said on NBC's "Today."

In interviews on several morning shows, Mr. Ridge appeared to be seeking to diminish the alarm caused by a report from The Associated Press on Tuesday that officials had information about a specific threat this summer.

The news agency reported that the government had new intelligence indicating that a group of terrorists already deployed inside the United States was preparing to launch a major attack in the next few months. The intelligence did not include a time, place or method of attack, The A.P. reported, quoting an unnamed senior counterterrorism official.
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Transcript from said morning show:

Clown-Faced Media Princess: There are news reports that terrorists are inside the US and planning an attack sometime this summer, how is the US responding to that.

Ridge: Well, they haven’t given us a specific time, place and location for us to thwart these plans, so there really isn’t anything the government to do at this time.

Media Princess: So the US government is off the hook, because the terrorists haven’t invited them, but that’s the excuse we gave for 9/11.

Ridge: Precisely.

MP: What?

Ridge: So you agree then, that 9/11 wasn’t our fault. It was the terrorists fault and that’s why Iraq is getting there’s.

MP: I’m not saying it was anybody’s fault, I just want to know what the US is doing at this time. Apparently, these terrorists are INSIDE the US NOW.

Ridge: Which, should make them much easier to catch than say catching a terrorist in a foreign country, like Afghanistan or Pakistan, so we should be okay. Now we can just wire-tap and search anybody’s house at the drop of a hat, so we’ll find these guys. Just look at that lawyer from Oregon who was behind the bombings in Spain.

MP: But, he was released after being held for two weeks with no formal charges and no representation, no rights no nothing.

Ridge: Now you’re just being unpatriotic, besides we apologized. What more do you want? Should we send him cake?

MP: What are the FBI, CIA and other investigative branches telling you.

Ridge: Is the who doing what? Ohhh, right those guys. No see, the Dept. Homeland Security is handling this, this deals with homeland security. Why would we talk to them?

MP: Do you remember 9/11?

Ridge: Not our fault remember, no formal invitations sent to the White House.

MP: Is there an investigative branch of the Dept. of Homeland Security.

Ridge: Yes, The Information Analysis and Infrastructure Protection directorate will be established to analyze intelligence and information from other agencies (including the CIA, FBI, DIA and NSA) involving threats to homeland security and evaluate vulnerabilities in the nation's infrastructure.

MP: When you say, “will be”, do you mean that the new organization has not yet been established?

Ridge: Kind of sorta, yes.

MP: What have you been doing for 3 years?

Ridge: Fighting Terrorism!

MP: So then there currently is no investigative branch of the Dept of Homeland Security and the CIA and other agencies do not report to you.

Ridge: Technically speaking, that is, currently there is not any formal investigative branch per se, correct.

MP: Thank you, Mr. Ridge

Ridge: Thank you, and god bless.

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Monday, May 24, 2004

New Plan for Abu-Ghraib
From the President's speech

A new Iraq will also need a humane, well-supervised prison system. Under the dictator prisons like (pause) Abu Ghraib were symbols of death and torture. That same prison became a symbol of disgraceful conduct (i.e. death and torture) by a few American troops who dishonored our country and disregarded our values


Even Bush took pause at the name "Abu-Ghraib", as if to say, "Holy shit, we put those two sentences together."

Announcement of New Prison Recieved with Cheers by Iraqi People

The United States will demolish Iraq's notorious Abu Ghraib prison in consultation with the incoming government as a way of symbolizing the country's new start, the White House said on Monday.

The announcement was recieved with "joyous revelry" by the Iraqi people.

Ghazi Muklif Hamdan, a 31 year old merchant exclaimed, "Hooray, that evil evil building will finally be gone. For all the torture and humiliation we have endured we only have that buidling to blame, and finally it will be gone. God bless America"

Similar responses were heard everywhere throughoutt the streets of Bagdad.

Sadim Samir, 23, a political science student at the University of Baghdad exclaimed, "I am looking for the day when I am detained in the new western-style prison for no apparent reason by the US occupying force. I very much want to lift weights, play dominoes and stick somebody with a shiv."

The new prison will be built by Pro-Max, (a divsion of Haliburton), a leading developer of maximum security prisons in the US for a mere sum of $350 million.






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Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Stockpile of WMD's Found
In a discovery that unequivocally proves Iraq had WMD's, U.S. soldiers found a roadside bomb containing sarin nerve agent in Baghdad, the military said Monday. The device, which partially detonated, was apparently a leftover from Saddam Hussein's arsenals.

Many supporters of the Bush administration believe this turn of events finally justify the US and British governments' argument (initial argument anyway) for invading Iraq, just ask Rush.

Third lieutenant and munitions expert James Caldwell of the 4th Infantry division explained to a reporter the potential dangers the stockpile of 1 shell containing sarin gas posed.

"This shell when detonated could easily throw 10 maybe 20 little green plastic army men 30-50 feet in the air leaving them severely disfigured", said Caldwell. "As for the sarin gas, it could easily wilt a houseplant within 2 or 3 days."

Alongside the stockpile of the one shell, were found several M80's, a can of hairspray, PVC tubing, a sack of potatoes, a sling shot and a pellet rifle, (commonly referred to as a BB gun by military personnel).

The stockpile was found as a group of Iraqi teenagers were trying to denote the shell with a hammer near the train tracks.

Speaking on behalf of the Whitehouse, assistant secretary of defense Paul Wolfiwitz said, "See, not only is Saddam a very very very bad man, but he also did have WMD's just like we promised."

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Bush Renominates Worn Greenspan as Chief Financial Interest Raising & Lowering Czar
President Bush, sticking to a pledge he made more than a year ago, renominated Alan Greenspan today as chairman of the Federal Reserve.

"Alan Greenspan has done a superb job as chairman of the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve System," Mr. Bush said in a statement, "you know with all the raising and lowering of interests rates and the like."

Commenting on Greenspan's nomination, David Resler, chief economist at Nomura Securities International cited, "Mr. Greenspand has been duly rewarded again for his fine job. Without him there would be no one else to lower interests when the economy is bad, raise interests when the economy improves and make general non-actionable statements about the overall performance of the economy that send the economy in a tizzy for no apparent reason."

The announcement was met with no objections from the members of the Republican member of the Senate Committee on Banking, Housing and Urban Affairs, except Jim Bunning citing Greenspan's propensity to "get behind in the count by swinging at every goddamned pitch".

But, there have been those in the financial community questioning the Authority the Greenspan wields over the US economy from his chair in an unelected government position. Many citing concerns with the volatile reaction of the stock market to his quarterly economic outlook have been clamoring for the office to become at the very least a cabinet level position.

Oliver Robertson, Executive securities Analyst for the SEC voiced some these concerns in a recent article in Newsweek.

However vague and ambiguous the prediction [on the US economy] it is certain to create a wave in the stock market. For Christ's sake, I lost $250K last year, because he wore the tortoise shell glasses instead of the horn-rimmed glasses. Then I lost another 300K the year before, because he was missing a cufflink.


But, by and large, most politicians and members of the financial community praised Mr. Greenspan's Fed for greater transparency in its conduct of monetary policy. That new openness is perhaps best seen in statements issued after meetings of the Fed's policy-making Open Market Committee.

"He has raised and lowered interest rates like no other with such conviction and decisiveness," Mr. Resler said. "Besides, I don't think anyone else has ever held the position. He's been in office since I was a little boy, and quite frankly we're not sure exactly what he does. Also, he's been holding the dies for printing 50's and 100's for the last 20 years as ransome. Besides, he's old and will likely die soon."
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Thursday, May 13, 2004

I Have a Bad Temper
I get really mad when I drive, and I do stupid things like pass people in the median or pass them going 90 and rip up my emergency brake spinning towards them out of control. My counselor says I need to calm down, so lately, I've taken to thowing change at people's cars when they piss me off. It's much less aggressive, but it is also much less sastisfying. You know deep down I feel kind of shameful and cowardly afterward, I think that's why I need to write this post.

But, what's really been making me angry in the morning when I drive is listening to Quin in the Morning. You would not believe how incredibly stupid that show is, but I still let him make me so angry. Please go to the link and click around. If you aren't dumbfounded by this guy, I'll send you a dollar. He is a maligning hate mongerer who distorts the truth to propoagate an extremely conservative agenda. This is the big problem I have with guys like this, Rush Limbaugh, O'Reily . . I appreciate a good debate on the issues and there are lot of conservatives I enjoy, but this intentional deception by the popular talking heads on the right. You'll never see any of the news stories he uncovers bubble up to the major networks. It's not becuase of the liberal media either, it's becuase this guy is a nut. If you check out more liberal sites like DailyKos, Talkingpointsmemo, WashingtonMonthly and WhiskeyBar you'll see that the stories they discuss usually bubble up to the major papers and networks.

But, the dishonesty isn't what bothers me so much. It's the fucking cheesy jokes guys like Quinn tell. They are so smug and really pander to the audience, think "ditto-heads". The jokes are so self-congratulatory and you can see them coming a mile down the pike. They always play these stupid clips like, "13 reasons why a handgun is better than a woman." and the "the Dean Scream". Who thinks this corny shit is so funny, idiots and people who forward jokes on the internet, thats who. They pretend to be above the fray by avoiding jokes about blow jobs and murdering hookers, but then they'll blast gays on the radio.

This is my new basic philosophy, that a sense of humor is what separates liberal and conservative talk show. Sure, Al Franken is an asshole sometimes, but at least he is funny and doesn't dumb his stuff down. In my book (I don't really have a book per se) you can talk about beating up queers and murdering Iraqi's as long as you do it in a good comedic way.

I think we should all ban together and stop the corny right.
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Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Bush: Approval Ratings Hit All-Time Low - Calls Kerry a Bitch
Despitesagging approval ratings, which have reached an all-time low for Bush, he is still leading the Democratic hopeful, Kerry, in most polls. Even more troubling are that the polls show Bush leads Kerry in many of the swing states where this election is likely to be decided.

In a recent interview with Fox News, when asked how the Bush, when asked how the Bush campaign plans to address the recent slump in the polls senior political advisor, Karl Rove, responded that, "This is a difficult time in the war, and we shouldn't let the actions of a few misguided souls steer us off course of the larger objective, that is to provide a stable democracy to the Iraqi people, even though they are terrible infidels." Bush's approval rating shot up 1.5 pts within hours.

When asked the same question by NPR, Rove responded much differently. "Here's what we plan to do, nothing. President Bush could shit on a picture of the Virgin Mary, and he could still win. Who are people going to vote for, that little bitch, Kerry? You can print that, just no in the enquirer."

Republican pollster Bill McInturff says the poll and his own research suggest Kerry is experiencing "some cumulative impact" of Bush ads that depict him as "inconsistent on the issues". Plus, "he's a miserable little bitch".

Indeed, it is beginning to look dire for the Kerry campaing. There are even rumors of grumbing within the inner Kerry circle questioning his current strategey.

Alfred J. Profrock, political analyst and Harvard professor of the Kennedy School of government recently cited "poor direction, lack of a coherent message and lack of any fucking message or consistent strategy."

More recently there have been requests among top democrats to replace Kerry on the democratic ticket with Dukakis. To that Kerry renamed his campaign bus for the 5th time this week.
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Wednesday, May 05, 2004

Liquor, In General, Isn't the Answer
I know Tequilla gets a bad wrap, and I think it might be unfairly deserved. Tequila is put in the same category as Denny's: You never begin the night expecting to go there, but somehow if your still up at 4 in the morning, you end up there. Perhaps, one leads to the other, I'm not sure.

But, I tried another liquor. If you view my previous post, you'll see that I tried to resolve an upset stomach with Tequila. Well Jack Daniels doesn't work either.

So, I think from all of this I've learned a couple of things:
1. Don't turn to liquor to answer your problems.
2. If you have diarrhea, don't shower after the 1st round. Inevitablly, you'll have to take another shower or wear shitty underwear.

I'm going to bed to wallow in my own filth.


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Tequila Isn't the Answer
I think generally speaking this isn't the right answer to most of life's problems, unless someone asks you, "What is the alcohol made from the agave cactus?" See, not only do I write, but I read too. Admittedly, I read mostly labels onthe back of food products and bathroom products in particular (I spend a lot time in there). Tequila is also hecho en Mexico.

But, back to my problem, a really upset stomach. Tequila wasn't the answer. Mental note to self.

I'm not sure if it is the liquor approach in general or more specificlaly tequilla. I think I'll try another liquor and report back.
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What the say about fiber is true
I think I know why baby's shit so much, burp and spit up. It isn't becuase they're babies, it's what we feed them. I ate a huge salad, some fruit and a big glass of crangrape juice. Ohh my Lord, Christ and Sonny Jesus, I'm intolerable right now (just as my blog advertises). I just got done with a round on the can, and now I need a shower. i pray I don't have to go the can again, becuase that will mean another shower.

I hear liquor helps settle your stomach, maybe I'll try that.
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Iraqis' New Freedom
If you go to blogger.com where my post is hosted, you'll see this:

USA Today Iraqis enjoy new freedom of expression: "'We suffered for years under Saddam Hussein, not being able to speak out,' says Omar Fadhil, 24, a dentist. 'Now, you can make your voice heard around the world.'" You said it Omar. That's pretty much our whole thing.

Actually, some of the blogs look very interesting. There are a lot of first hand accounts about life in Iraq now. It's almost enough to make a country forget about anal rape and electrical shocks to the scrotum.


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Monday, May 03, 2004

We're Losing Our Tech Edge
See, I keep saying it. In the prophetical words of Martin Short, "We're as doomed as doomed can be." It isn't that bleak, but the US is definately on the decline in technology. I don't know if you've looked around the campus of an American engineering college, but you'll notice that there are usually more foreigners than Americans.

I keep going back to this, but this is the real long term outsourcing threat. There is another good article in NY times about outsourcing our brains or at least decresing the extent to which we develop our technical brains.

We'll always need doctors, lawyers, realtors, funeral homes and grocery stores. If you work in any of those areas, you'll okay. If not, well, learn Hindi.
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